The Relationships Pillars - The Status

Geplaatst op 09-02-2023

Categorie: Lifestyle

Originally Published on Loveawake blog

Social status is defined as having a high social value to women, although it’s tricky because it’s highly context-dependent. Its effect is too pronounced to be denied, however, and it doesn’t fit in with any of the other pillars, so it gets its own post.

Before we get into specifics, here’s an idea of what I’m talking about. Consider Garth Brooks. The guy is a country music legend. When he’s performing at a concert, thousands of people are practically worshipping him. His status at that time is incredibly high, and women are highly attracted to that. Now throw him in the middle of a remote village in the Amazon. How much status would he have then (aside from novelty value as a mosquito-bitten white dude)?

Why does this work? Again, women are attracted to mates with a high Dating Market Value (DMV). They can’t judge DMV based solely on looks, so they use certain mental shortcuts to proximate value. Since women are hard-wired to want the best possible genes to pass on (key: best possible), one way to judge the value of a man’s genes is his rank in the social hierarchy. However, status is highly context-dependent and can be derived from multiple different and complementary factors. Mystery’s original thoughts on the subject provide a good framework. For the most part, when it comes to game, status is derived from two things: being a leader of men, or having women want you.

Ideally, Stone Age Jane wants to mate with the leader of her tribe since he controls the most resources. If he’s not available, then the leader’s right-hand man is the next best choice, since he would control the next most resources. And so on down the chain. Today, we no longer live in tribes, so the next best way to judge a man’s social value in this regard is the number of men who look up to him. I mean, everyone can’t be wrong…right? There is absolutely a certain degree of herd mentality going on, and that’s ok.

Alternatively, a woman might want the guy all the other women want (Mystery’s “preselection by women”). In the modern world where women can provide for themselves, this is more true than ever. This is how rockstars, actors, artists, etc. achieve their status. The dudes in N’Sync led a total of zero straight men, yet they had immense status. Why? Because all the other women wanted them, which created a crazy competition feedback loop.

Note: Do not confuse “leader of men” and “preselection” with Game. In order to derive status from either, people need to know about and appreciate that status. Conveying your status is Game; having it is not. Taking advantage of it…well that depends. Heh.

Off the top of my head, here’s a list of people with status:

Rock stars

Professional athletes



Members of a fraternity (at a school where Greek life is “cool”)


Religious leaders


Again, notice that gaining status is not dependent on any one thing. In fact, in the case of a fraternity, the only thing you need is to convince other guys in that fraternity to accept you. I would argue that it falls under the preselection category due to the following female hamster logic:

“I want hot guys. All the girls want hot guys. My friend (and she’s sooOOooo pretty) said all the hot guys are in the Delta Iota Kappa frat. That must mean all the girls want those guys! I WANT ONE OF THEM TOO!!”

So how do we use this information? Two ways: maximize your status where possible and avoid situations where your status is low. I’ll use a different situation to illustrate each.

When I was stationed in Germany, my Army officer buddies and I would rage. Unfortunately, we were so far out in the middle of nowhere that our options were limited to a handful of clubs in the one decent sized “city”. Of course, this meant that all the Army guys frequented the same clubs. An overwhelming presence of 18-30 year old sexually frustrated males in peak physical condition is not a recipe for tranquility. This is how military towns’ reputations are built. As a result of this reputation, we had an extremely difficult time meeting German chicks; they usually wanted nothing to do with us.

One night we were striking out worse than usual so we decided to throw in the towel and bounce to a pub. Once there we discovered a mixed gender crew of enlisted soldiers. Some of us knew some of them, so introductions were made all around. One of the female privates wasn’t half bad looking, so a buddy of mine took a little time saying hello to her…and that was all he needed. He told me later she kept saying she couldn’t believe an officer would be interested in her. With the German girls, we had no status, but with the enlisted chick, he was practically a god.

Big is a grad school buddy of mine. He’s a good-looking guy with game. As such, he was expecting to clean up with the undergrads, but he kept getting shot down. Hard. It took him a little while to figure out why, but one conversation in particular clued him in. As he tells it, he was having a good night with some buddies at the undergrad hotspot when he saw a cute girl he wanted to talk to. He walked up and asked for her name. She giggled and immediately jumped into the conversation. However, after a couple minutes of outrageous flirting, she asked Big, “what frat are you in?” He gave her a crazy look and said, “I’m not.” She gave him a look of disgust and turned back to her friends.

Big was going after the undergrad party chicks, but that meant pursuing sorority girls. At our school, the Greek system is huge, and if you’re not in it, you don’t matter. He came to the conclusion that pursuing those girls, while not impossible, would be a huge waste of time. Instead, he started going for seniors in college looking for a more “mature” guy, and with young working professional women who would think highly of his MBA. After that he did pretty well.

Note: in most normal situations (a party, an average bar/club, a church) your status is neutral, which just means your game needs to be tight. In Big’s situations, his lack of status was pretty much an insurmountable handicap.

So there you go. Maximize your status if possible and avoid situations where you have none. Join a club and become a leader. Get a promotion at work. Get your song on the radio. Get your funny Youtube video a million hits.

Chicks dig status.